If you haven't heard of Fetish Diva Midori, then you have either been living under a rock, or simply travel in the wrong circles.

According to her bio, "I am an educator and writer on SM, fetish and human sexuality. I travel the world presenting, lecturing and leading workshops at universities, the SM community, special events, the media, and the greater society. Born in Japan and raised in a feminist intellectual Tokyo household, I moved to the USA during my teens. I enlisted and was subsequently commissioned as a US Army Reserves Intelligence officer while earning my psychology degree from University of California, Berkeley."

It's the dichotomy of growing up in a feminist household and the BDSM side of Midori's life that particularly fascinates me about her. She makes no secret of the fact that she is a Domme, a proud one, and by all accounts, a terrific one. Yet some may find it hard to reconcile that with her feminist upbringing. Midori herself admits she had trouble resolving the two issues early on in her career, but now finds herself exactly where she wants to be -- at the top of her game.

The first lines in her book Wild Side Sex give you a fairly good idea of the topics she'll cover: "I love sex. I Love to do it. I love to talk about it. I love to think about it and I love to write about it." This could not be a clearer statement of Midori's acceptance of herself, her fetishes, her sexuality, and where her talents lie. The book is touted as Educational, Sensual and Entertaining Essays, and within the pages, you'll find collections of her works from lectures to writings from 1997 to 2005.

She has broken the book into several different focus points for both the seasoned sexual adventurer and the novice: The sections entitled Part 1: Fundamentals of Kink and Part 2: Fundamentals of Kink II deal with "the psychological foundations of consensual erotic sadomasochism, dominance, and submission." Part 3: Fetish Eroticism is "dedicated to fetishism and the mind of the fetishist." Part 4: Tips & Trips for Adventurous Sex is "a collection of short little how-to's on specific fun kinky sex techniques."

Midori is so well known as a writer and lecturer that I admit I was filled with trepidation on reading this book. Sometimes I get the feeling that she feels she knows her subject matter so well that it's the audience's job to catch up. I do have to admit that after my initial reading of her book, I found myself wanting a second, more thorough read. She has filled it with plenty of information -- but made it friendly and accessible, occasionally even including her own mistakes, failures and foibles in an effort to identify with her audience.

She offers beautiful sentiments like "I am a sado-masochist. A dominant sadist, to be precise. I am also a hopeless romantic." Somehow, with that elegant phrase, she is able to sum up the beauty and the pain that can dwell in the same space. Nevertheless, she is enough of a realist to know that "John and Jane Q. Public" likely suspect that we are "emotionally crippled and physically crippled and dysfunctional. It's not an uncommon assumption that some childhood trauma has scarred us, making us incapable of loving in a sincere and respectful way, and such that we require the emotional barrier of kink to enjoy any affection."

Each chapter or section is filled with different essays that inform the reader of the finer aspects of BDSM, whether she or he is a newbie or a long-term natural. She goes through a careful explanation of ritual, ceremony and protocol and their place in a certain type of consensual relationship, and the reasoning behind each aspect of rituals and steps. She goes through the steps of erotic humiliation with a care and generosity that validates the person who is seeking the humiliation and how Dommes, Dominants or Tops need to understand what it is the seeker truly needs from their session.

There are lovely black-and-white photographs by Steve Diet Goedde of Midori in all her glorious permutations (the woman is a chimera, I swear), interspersed with some black and white truths that Midori dispenses with her usual sense of matter-of-factness. She attempts to explain the psychology for the hunger behind getting involved in a BDSM relationship - from all angles, both male and female. She discusses the absolute necessity of trust, vulnerability and communication between both partners. This is something the vanilla community as a whole could benefit from, as well.

Aftercare is discussed at length. Mental and physical recovery is described with some revelations that experienced players themselves may have forgotten the importance of. Because she isMidori, there is also a section on the Pleasures of Rope Bondage, for Beginners. After all, Midori is famously known for her intricate designs and aesthetically pleasing scenes created from rope, hair, bodies and blindfolds.

In Part 3, Midori delves deeper into the world of fetishism. She explains the difference between fetish and kink, and explores what kinds of people are true fetishists. I found this last chapter to be especially enlightening, as a newly discovered fetishist myself. Be it latex and leather, cum-swapping, toe sucking, or what have you, name a fetish and there's a niche market for it.

Finally, in her last section, she provides a Q&A scenario, with questions like "I want to be my boyfriend's sex slave. Please tell me what makes for a great sex slave?" Good lord, could a better opportunity present itself for a lecturer to inform you about what a true sex-slave relationship is like? It's not all Story of O or The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty as our beautiful but unrealistic fantasies tell us.

Midori is one woman who is capable of telling us the truth in such a manner that we can respect what we say even if we don't like what she's saying. On Alexia's scale, I give it an 8 of 10 Big O's.

I'll leave you with this little gem from the Diva herself: "In the end, there is no one that's accountable for our us and our own desires but ourselves. Have you looked into your own reason for your life of kink and leather? Do you have agendas beyond that of honest pleasure? Are there hidden hungers or needs that you substitute with your kink enthusiasm? We ought to take a good look into our own hearts from time to time, to examine and monitor our own health and make sure that we're choosing SM for the right reasons. Nobody's going to do it for us -- at least nobody without their own agendas." In other words: Play for the right reasons, play hard, and enjoy your life of kinkiness.

You can buy Fetish Diva Midori's Wild Side Sex online or at your favorite kinky bookstore.

Wild Side Sex - by Alexia O'Neil

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